Q: What is the worst vegetable to have on a ship? 

A: A leek

Q: If you are allergic to pineapples are you allergic to pine needles?

A: Nope. Just pineapples

Q: What's wide at the bottom, narrow at the top and has ears?

A: A mountain with mountaineers

Q: Why did the football team go to the bank?

A: To get their quarterback

Q: What do you call a wizard from outer space that can fly?

A: A flying sorcerer 

Q: Where do generals keep their armies?

A: Up their sleevies

Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?

A: So, what's your point?

Q: What do you call when your parachute doesn't open?

A: Jumping to a conclusion

Q: Why are opera singers, good sailors?

A: Because they can handle the seas

Q: What do you get if a cement crashes into a jail?

A: Hardened criminals 

Q: Why did Frankenstein's monster get indigestion?

A: He bolted down his food

Q: Where do sailors take their baths?

A: In a tub-marine

Q: Why did mon test the bath water before putting silly billy in?

A: To prevent sun-burn

Q: With what two animals you always go to bed?

A: Two calves

Q: What is the smallest bridge in the world?

A: The bridge of your nose

Q: What is good for your bold head?

A: Some hair

Q: What is bought by the yard and worn by the foot?

A: Carpet

Q: Why did the jelly roll?

A: It saw the apple turn over

Q: When is a man like a snake?

A: When he gets rattled

Q: What does a stone become when in the water?

A: Whet-stone